


Gravity

by jihansols (jihancheollie)



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-20 02:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7387561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jihancheollie/pseuds/jihansols
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yukito sometimes felt like he was adrift. He had nothing to anchor him to the real world, as though his existence didn't actually matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gravity

Yukito had problems adapting to his new self-awareness.

Oftentimes, he felt as though he wasn’t there, entirely. To put it simply, he couldn’t help but feel ethereal, like a mist cutting through buildings undetected, incorporeal and soft, without something to hold it still, to keep it in one place, like it mattered.

He felt like he was floating.

Sure, he felt emotionally connected to several things. His emotions connected him to his classmates – he cared for many of them. He felt like he had the obligation of attending classes and being responsible. He felt as though his emotions made him corporeal, like an anchor.

Yukito cared for Sakura, so, so deeply. He wasn’t entirely sure if the feeling he had for her was just a manifestation of his other self; projecting his own feelings for his master to Yukito’s subconscious. But he loved her. He knew that for certain. He loved her even before he knew he wasn’t real. He also loved her classmates. He was sure as long as Sakura had Tomoyo and that sweet kid that felt so strongly for her, Syaoran, she was going to be alright. Also, she had that little yellow flying rodent he couldn’t quite describe. The fact that he compared it with a flying raccoon might offend him, though.

He was entirely aware of his feelings for others, but more often than not, apart from Sakura, he didn’t quite know how other people felt about him. He knew, for example, that Touya felt uneasy next to him. Actually, he could pin point exactly _when_ he started feeling that Touya was no longer comfortable around him. It kind of tore him apart a little inside.

Especially since he’d figured out that emotions were his anchors, but Touya was his gravity.

It was hard to explain. When he was with Sakura, he felt like he had a purpose: he had to keep her safe, come hell or high water. With Touya...

When it came to Touya, he felt whole. It was as though they shared something important, although he wasn’t entirely sure what it was. But one thing was for certain, and that was… the thing he’d never dare say to him.

His feelings for Touya were unspoken. The only person in the world, who was aware of them, was Sakura. She had given him her blessing. And yet… he didn’t dare to say it. He didn’t dare to act on them, even though those feelings made him feel like he was drowning when Touya looked at him. It was like torture.

“Where are you right now?” A voice asked right in front of him. Yukito blinked. When his eyes were focused again, he saw Toya’s face, his brow wrinkled.

If he recalled correctly, they were finishing up their math class. Just when things got complicated, he spaced out and started to think.

“Oh. I am so sorry. I was just… thinking.” Yukito replied, rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand, smiling reassuringly. Another thing he noticed was that Touya kept worrying about him. He understood his reasons, but he didn’t want to be that sickly kid who worried Touya every single day. It bothered him immensely.

Since he had that fainting incident over at Hiragizawa’s house a little over a week ago, he started to notice a little change in Touya’s behavior towards him. That made Yukito uneasy, especially since he didn’t exactly know what happened that day that made him change. He just remembered waking up with Touya on his bedside, his face sick with worry… and then Touya was the one asleep on top of the mattress. It was quite confusing, truth be told. He hated those blackouts. He also hated the fact that the one doing the reassuring and talking that day was his other self, when the one who cared the most for Touya was Yukito himself.

“Well, you blanked out during class so now it’s lunch time. Wanna go bother Sakura and her friends?” Touya asked, trying to deflect the subject. Yukito knew Touya could read him like a book.

“Actually, would it be alright if we ate… just the two of us? We ate with them yesterday and I felt like Sakura was a bit down. I don’t want to upset her.”

Touya nodded, but Yukito noticed that he had a bit of a knowing smirk on his face. He probably figured it out on his own, the fact that Sakura had confessed her feelings to Yukito recently and, of course, Yukito promptly rejected her. Yukito only hoped that Touya didn’t assume that he’d reject her just because she was a kid, because Sakura was one of the most emotionally mature 12 year old kids he’d ever met.

“Let’s go, then.” Touya stood up, a little too abruptly, and stumbled. Yukito felt his heart skip a beat when he saw him losing his balance. He was too tired. And it was all Yukito’s fault. But always with the good reflexes, Touya just grabbed Yukito’s desk and straightened himself again. Trying to pass it off as a little accident, he smiled at Yukito. He didn’t buy it.

Without saying a word, Yukito stood up and grabbed Touya’s upper arm. After, he helped him regain his balance while standing, and then intertwined his arm around Touya’s, just to act as his support. He felt a little hot in the face, they weren’t usually this tactile, but if Touya was the one having fainting fits now, he might as well do everything Touya used to do for him.

When they got to the cafeteria, they each got their own servings and decided to just go outside to eat. Yukito, of course, selected three different plates with enough servings for seven people, while Touya just got his main course and a desert he didn’t intend to eat. He always picked out something extra in case Yukito asked him for more food.

They walked towards the garden behind the school, overlooking the football and basketball fields. They sat together in silence, said thanks for the food and started eating.

Meanwhile, Yukito went over his head whether he should talk to Touya about Sakura’s confession. It had happened before the weekend, on Friday. Maybe he had noticed Sakura had been down as well. He couldn’t help it, he was worried for her.

While he thought about this, he devoured his food as usual. Touya was eating slower than he was, and when Yukito noticed he had a very distant and tired look on his face, he decided it was time to strike up a conversation. He opened the burger wrapper and held it in his hand while he talked.

“To-ya, I wanted to ask you something.”

“If this is about Sakura, don’t worry too much.” Touya replied. Yukito smiled and blushed a little bit. Touya did read him like a book. He took a bite bite from his burger and continued.

“Is she okay, though?” Yukito couldn’t help but ask.

“She is. This morning, she looked fine, according to dad. I couldn’t see it for myself because I had to get early to class, but I called him when I got here to ask him how she was doing.” Touya replied, smiling softly. “She’s a strong kid. She can take a couple of blows.”

“But she’s an emotional girl. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“You didn’t, Yuki. She actually asked me to invite you to a festival later tonight in the Tsukimine Temple. She’s okay. I promise.” Touya moved a little closer to Yukito, looking around just to check nobody else was there to bother them. Since Nakuru showed up, Touya was extremely cautious in their interactions, especially since they were never able to complete an entire conversation with that girl around. Yukito felt tempted to just lean against Touya, and since nobody else was near them, he took the plunge. He rested his head on top of Touya’s shoulder, and he felt him stiffen as soon as his hair was on top of his blazer.

He straightened up immediately.

“You don’t seem to be comfortable around me anymore. Not like you used to.” He said, not being able to ignore the feeling of hurt he felt deep in his chest because of Touya’s apparent distance.

“What? You’re imagining things again.” Touya said, nonchalantly. Yukito shook his head no.

“I’m not. Ever since I fell off the balcony at Hiragizawa’s house, you’ve been acting strange. Is it because you met… _him?_ ” Yukito asked, his ashen hair covering a bit of his vision. He liked it better that way when it came to Touya. If he let him see much of his face, he’d be open and vulnerable in no time. Touya sometimes made him feel like he was going through an x-ray machine.

Touya took a bite of his food, and then proceeded to put his chopsticks down, swallowing forcefully to answer. “Look. I can tell something is bothering you. Stop trying to deflect the subject by asking me what’s wrong. I’m not acting any different towards you.”

Yukito wasn’t used to feeling angry, but right now, he felt helpless and frustrated. He forgot entirely about the burger and stared daggers at Touya. “You talked about something important with my other self, and I couldn’t hear half of it. He was blocking me. Usually I’m able to listen in, but this time, he did that on purpose. I don’t understand what happened. You never told me anything.” He paused, breathed in and continued. “I can’t help but feel like you’ve been hiding something from me.”

“Yuki…” Touya muttered, slightly aghast. He had never seen Yukito show this kind of temper before. “Is it because you feel insecure?”

A sudden breeze started blowing, ruffling Yukito’s hair and making it cover his face. He tried to keep it tame by putting it behind his ears; then he remembered they felt hot and decided to leave his hair as it was. Touya would never let him live this down.

“Stop trying to make this about me and tell me, To-ya!”

“Jeez, okay, okay. I’ll tell you.” Was that a trick of the light or was Touya _blushing?_ “I… I talked to him that day. Right after I told you that I knew you weren’t exactly human, he showed up and tried to persuade me into not… helping. But I just…” Touya felt tongue-tied, his hands clammy and fidgety. Yukito was still kind of angry.

“If it’s something that you don’t want to talk about, I can understand, but I don’t appreciate it when it comes to me, in the end. I might be his ‘vessel’ or whatever, but I’m still Yukito.”

“You sound jealous. Are you?” Touya teased him. Now it was his face’s turn to turn cherry red. The fact that his hair had decided to devour his face was a blessing at this point.

“I am not. But you still haven’t finished the story”. Yukito egged him on. Touya complied, reluctantly, grunting a bit and then deciding it would be best if he was the one who placed Yukito’s hair behind his ears, which made the blushing that was happening all over Yukito’s body even worse. His ears and face were bright red.

“Yuki, I think I’ve told you this before. I’d rather die than watch you vanish. You were turning _transparent._ In front of my eyes, I saw you every single day as you yawned and then a part of your hand, or chest, or shoulder would just… become see-through. And I couldn’t. I knew I had to help. And I did. I asked him to block you out because I didn’t want you to know. You’d feel weak and be all guilty around Sakura. But, anyway... I couldn’t… I couldn’t see you disappear. I don’t want you to leave my side. Ever.” His voice broke in the last sentence and Yukito felt a shiver down his spine.

He acted on instinct. After all, Touya was his gravity. He felt compelled by some supernatural force to be near him. He just lifted his right hand and placed it on top of Touya’s, that was resting atop of his left cheek. Afterwards, he intertwined their fingers.

Then, the strangest thing happened. Suddenly, he felt like his heart and soul aligned. Like his entire being sighed in relief, in utmost content. He looked at Touya’s expression. His eyes were closed and he was smiling, for the first time, unguarded.

It wasn’t the smile he had seen when he first met him. It wasn’t cool politeness or chivalry. It wasn’t mischief, it wasn’t a knowing smirk. It was the first, truthful smile he’d seen in Touya’s face since the first time he met him. He knew in that moment that something this big had to mean he needed to stop pretending, he had to stop being terrified of the answer. Because he already knew what the answer was.

“To-ya.” He managed, his voice brittle like an autumn leaf. He kept holding Touya’s hand, but now he guided it to the floor to lay between them. “Did you… did you give me a part of yourself?”

Touya didn’t reply. He just squeezed Yukito’s hand and nodded, slightly. Yukito felt the hand getting clammy.

“Can I tell you something?” Yukito asked. Touya’s hand started shaking in his grasp. “It’s okay. I promise it’s something nice, To-ya.” He blinked a few times. There were still five minutes left in the lunch recess. He needed to make them count.

“I can feel your energy in me. It’s a little bit strange, but now that I’m holding your hand, I feel like… I belong here. Does this sound silly?”

Touya shook his head. Still, his hand didn’t stop trembling.

Yukito continued. “We never talk about it. I was actually terrified of saying it out loud.” He swallowed. “Like saying it out loud would make it real. You know? It would make me vulnerable to you.” He threw caution to the wind and squeezed Touya’s hand, while shifting his body a little closer to him.

He didn’t give Touya time to reply. “I think this has been going on since I met you. I don’t know if we were destined to meet. I don’t know if the universe works the way you say it does, like nothing is an act of chance, only inevitability, but… I know that since the day we met, my heart refuses to let you out.” He raised his head to look Touya in the eyes as he said it. “I love you.”

For a beat, Touya didn’t reply. He just stared at him in amazement, like he was the most wondrous thing in the universe. Then, his eyes were full of adoration, a feeling that ran so deep it baffled Yukito. It was overwhelming his senses.

“I love you too, Yuki. I didn’t want to tell you because I wanted to wait until my sister had a say in all of this.” Touya smiled. “But I guess I should’ve told you sooner. That way, you wouldn’t have acted so… insecure.”

Touya was like a cat with prey. He didn’t want to let the thing go. “I am _not_ insecure, To-ya.”

“I know you like the back of my hand, Yuki. You were wondering if the fact that I was avoiding you meant that knowing that you weren’t human would irk me somehow.” Touya sighed. He let go of Yukito’s hand, just for a second, to simply hold the other one as well. He turned, since they were sitting side by side, just so he could be facing Yukito.

“Listen, that wasn’t it. The thing that made me so stiff lately around you was… a stupid fear I had.” Yukito’s eyes widened a little. Touya? Feeling insecure about something? That was new.

He continued. “When I met Yue, I immediately knew he… he didn’t have the same feelings you have. Not for me, anyway. I know that Yue is emotionally invested in Clow, the wizard who created him. I was wondering…” Touya paused, trying to avoid Yukito's gaze. It made him uneasy. Their lunch was long forgotten by now. “…if you were only attracted to me for my magic. You’ve known that I had magic since you met me. You, being a magical being, were drawn to me by it. I was… nervous. I thought that maybe that was the reason you wanted to be with me. Just because of my magic, and now that I don’t have it, you would lose interest.”

Yukito just blinked a few times, and then started thinking. Inside of him, a small feeling of panic and shame began to boil, and he knew fully well it wasn’t him the one that was feeling it. Yue was absolutely embarrassed about Touya catching on to his feelings for Clow, though it wasn’t the first time it had happened.

Slowly, Yukito tried to calm Yue down. Then, when he wasn’t as nervous, he started reflecting again about his first encounter with Touya during the first day of class. He did remember feeling a powerful being in the school; indeed he had been drawn to his magic. But Yukito wasn’t entirely aware of that, was he? He was in a dormant state, like a coma. He didn’t quite know how that worked, but as far as Yukito knew, he was another kid starting school that year.

Touya was cool, but nice, towards him. He felt kind of distant, a little bit like he didn’t care much about his surroundings. But that night… Touya offered him to walk him home. Since he was new to Tomoeda, Touya told Yukito that he wanted to know where he lived, just in case of an emergency. Yukito agreed, thinking about how thoughtful that sounded. Then, when they were on their way to Yukito’s house, a little girl with green, beautiful eyes and clear brown hair approached them in rollerblades.

“Brother!” She called out to Touya. Touya turned around. Immediately, the cold nonchalance he was showing everyone else shifted.  He seemed… open, and vulnerable, in front of that little girl.

“Sakura.” He called her. “You’re got out late from school.” Then, he scolded her by giving her two rough pats on the head.

“Don’t do that!” She complained. “It’s just that Tomoyo had to stay a little late for chorus practice and I wanted to be with her for a while.” Then, the girl whose name was Sakura, smiled very brightly at Touya, and Yukito saw how Touya’s eyes brightened, just a little bit. After that little exchange, she turned towards Yukito. She blushed furiously.

“Brother, aren’t you going to introduce us?” She asked Touya. She looked kind of smitten, which warmed Yukito’s heart. He smiled brightly at her, feeling some kind of familiar warmth towards her that he couldn’t quite place.

“Sakura, this is Tsukishiro Yukito. He’s new to school and the town in general.” Touya patted Yukito on the back, while he said this. His whole cool façade was gone. Yukito was impressed by his change in demeanor. “Tsukishiro, this little monster is my baby sister. Her name is Sakura. Don’t be fooled, she’s a beast.” Then, he smiled mischievously at her and pulled at one of her pigtails. Sakura didn’t miss a beat.

“I am NOT a monster, don’t listen to him!” Then, she seemed to remember herself and laughed awkwardly. “I’m sorry, my brother is an idiot when he wants to. My name is Sakura, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Tsukishiro.”

Yukito kneeled so he could look her in the eye. “Hi, Sakura. It’s a pleasure to meet you. You’re free to call me Yukito.” She kept blushing, but this time, the big smile she showed him was enough to light up a whole town.

“Don’t let my brother bother you too much. He’s crazy.” She said. Then, Touya cracked up and started walking towards Yukito’s house again. He didn’t even think of defending himself, he was so warm towards Sakura that Yukito was just baffled. He would have never imagined that Touya could be like that, if he got to know him a little better.

When they got to the old house that belonged to Yukito, he bowed his thanks and got in. “Now you know where I live.” Yukito told them.

Touya smiled at him, a different, more open kind of smile. “You know, it’s unfair if I know where you live but I don’t get to call you ‘Yukito’ and this monster that just met you five seconds ago gets to. Don’t you think?”

Sakura, after hearing her brother calling her “monster” again, very stealthily punched him in the gut. Yukito, for her sake, pretended he didn’t notice. After hearing the familiarity that Touya used in talking to him, Yukito felt himself starting to blush. “Well, then. You can call me Yukito. Is it alright if I call you Touya?” He asked, feeling a little tingle in his spine he couldn’t quite describe.

“Of course. We’ll see each other tomorrow.” Touya replied. Then, he reached on top of the fence to touch his shoulder, just a light touch. “See you, Yuki.”

At the nickname, he felt himself blushing even more. He just nodded to hide this unfamiliar reaction. “See you tomorrow, To…ya.” He hesitated a bit in the second syllable of his name. Touya smiled at him, a little teasingly, and turned around to leave. Sakura, meanwhile, had been just staring at Yukito the whole time.

“It was a pleasure meeting you, Yukito!” She said, waving her goodbye and trying to catch up with his brother’s giant steps in comparison to hers.

“Goodbye! Please let me know if you arrived safely!” Yukito called out before heading towards the entrance door of his living room. He heard Touya reply to him in the distance.

“Will do!” Yukito smiled.

After remembering their first encounter, Yukito couldn’t help but smile. Touya had made him feel like he mattered since the first time they met, and the way he let him see that vulnerable side he had for his sister, made him feel special. He’d never forget something so unique.

“You spaced out again.” Touya quipped. Yukito noticed he hadn’t let go of his hand and he was still staring right into his eyes. “What were you thinking about?” He asked softly.

Smiling, he replied just as softly. “The first time we met. I saw the way you treated Sakura. I think I lost myself in you, just the first time I saw you smile at her. I couldn’t feel your magic. I knew you were special, though, but I didn’t exactly feel power radiating from you. I just knew you were kind towards the people who loved you. And I… I think I wanted to have that privilege as well.”

“Yuki…” Immediately, Yukito felt the clasp of their hands tighten and he looked down. Then, he felt Touya’s other hand wrap around his cheek, his eyes full of love. He felt like closing his eyes and laying here with him forever. Touya had other plans, though.

They still had two minutes. It was more than enough.

Touya moved his body towards Yukito, now with a hand on his cheek his eyes unwavering. He just closed them when their breaths intertwined and pecked Yukito on the lips softly, just once.

The ashen-haired boy couldn’t help it, he smiled. The biggest smile ever. His heart was beating wildly, but he felt so ridiculously happy he couldn’t think of anything else. He forgot what day it was, what time it was. The only important thing in his life right now was the feeling of Touya’s lips on top of his.

“You have the weirdest look on your face right now.” Touya joked. He wasn’t the only one with a funny expression, Touya was smiling as big as he was.

The bell rang. They both moved away from each other slowly, like they were afraid of breaking the moment. Then, they picked up the remnants of their lunch. Touya noticed the dessert was sitting there on top of the picnic blanket they had set up before sitting, and took it in his hand. He offered it to Yukito who took it gladly; in one hand he was still holding his burger and he was finishing it in a hurry.

“The burger got cold, but I don’t mind.” He joked. Touya lauged.

After a pause, they both picked up everything they had settled on the floor, and started their way towards the classroom for the last two classes of the day.

“Sakura is going to be glad.” Yukito said. Touya smiled a little bit.

“We should tell her tonight.” Touya replied. “That you are also my number one person. I’d bet she never actually noticed it.”

“Don’t be mean, Touya.”

“Oh, come on. You’ve been in love with me for how long, now? And she just noticed when you told her?”

“How… how did you know I told her?”

“I can read you like a book, Yuki.” He took Yukito’s hand in his. He didn’t seem to care about the stares they were starting to get. Meanwhile, Yukito just felt grounded, and real, and complete. He no longer felt like he was drifting through the winds. If Touya was there, to hold his hand for the world to see… nothing else mattered.

“Yeah. It’s a bit scary, sometimes.” Yukito replied. 


End file.
